And so it starts... my first ever blog.

I am not a writer nor have I ever had the intention to be a journalist. I know one thing for sure and that is, that like many of us out there going through this thing called ‘infertility treatment’, would like to capture every emotion, tear and special moment, so we can one day have the chance to share it with our little miracles. More importantly lift our hands up and GIVE THANKS!!

I am a proud wife to an amazing, talented, stubborn, lovable and unique husband with a very strong and secure faith in God.

We met in college, back in 2007, graduated and moved to Dubai.

On August 7^th, 2010 we tied the knot, and not to say the least were excided to start our lives as ONE. One thing was sure…God had a plan for us. Oh boy… it was so different to the one we had in mind.

Our ‘trying to conceive’ (TTC) journey started 5 years ago. We set about the "old fashioned" way, hoping that we too be one of those couples who would be able to share the joy with those close to us, but instead that was not the road we had to walk.

In 2014, after trying for 2 years we decided to take a break. What we didn’t know was that our break would be for a little longer than what we anticipated.

We moved to Kuwait by July of that year to peruse our dreams as Interior Designers, and may I add that this was done with a lot of kicking and screaming.

Should you don’t know what Kuwait is like, please allow me to paint you a brief picture.

After living in Dubai which is like a utopia in the desert, where everything works, people are friendly, and the countries’ nationals really do care for all, whether you are local or an expat. You are exposed to amazing opportunities and you make friends that become your family away from home.

Kuwait is the total opposite.

It is like a trifle pudding gone wrong!

You drive on roads where there are no rules or direction. Speed is an absolute must and if you are impatient you may pass other vehicles on the emergency lane at a 100km/h! This is perfectly legal!

The people are constantly on edge,  and mutual respect is a rare commodity whilst arrogance towards non-Kuwaitis are an extra-circular activity.

You might understand why we were kicking and screaming!

My darling husband has a fair amount of patience on any given day, but his tank can run empty real fast! This was probably one of the hardest challenges to over come, the senseless-ness of this place.

After a couple of months of “readjusting”, we found our feet and started working on our rhythm. I will tell you about the saga in another post.  It will need one on it’s own!

By the end of 2014 year, we decided to seek some advise on our baby making issue. I took the trip to the Obstetrics department to have things checked out.

Blessed as we are, all was dandy down there.

The doctor suggested that hubs go for his sperm analysis. My first thought was: “Oh no!” This wasn’t going to go down well. A lot of contemplating and convincing was required before he deposited his sample. We anxiously awaited the results. Much to his dismay he had to go again as the first test was inconclusive.

A couple of days later we got the call from the doctor, informing us that we would need to schedule an appointment with his clinic. “Uh, this can not be good!” we said to ourselves. Our hearts were pounding in our chests! Then the news came, there was NOTHING! Nothing? No sperm at all? How can there be nothing?  Our heads filled with questions of why and how, and what now?

Another little tit-bit about Kuwait, the health system is not at all what we are used to back home. There were very few answers to all our questions, so we decided to continue our testes and investigations in Dubai, our little haven in the desert.

This meant that we would have to travel to Dubai every other weekend. Fortunately, my in laws still lives there, so we could refuel our tanks with a little ‘Mamma’s love’  after every appointment before heading back to our “boarding” school.

The fertility clinic where we received treatment had a specialist in male infertility who only sees patients once a month.  Needless to say, getting an appointment was not the easiest thing. We eventually managed to get an appointment with him and the testing continued! The first test was to confirm if there was sperm so they tested my husband’s FHS, LH, E2, Prolactin and Testosterone. All came back to with in normal range. So they did a next round of testing which included Karyotyping which was to investigate if there is any microdeletion of the Y-Chromosome. In black and white, was he infertile or not?

We as humans have tons of emotions on any given day, not to say the least this opened a whole different can of emotions. On the one hand, we were thrilled to be fortunate enough to be able to get all these tests done, but we so confused and almost in denial.

Were we ever going to be able to start a family of our own?

Was this ever going to be possible?

Our time was spent praying for answers, crying together and talking, trying to make sense of all that is happening.

This was an exceptionally difficult road for my husband to walk. The most challenging thing for me was trying to find ways to support him. I couldn’t fully comprehend his feelings and thoughts, but we kept faith and held onto the promise that God had given us.

4 longs weeks later we got the call that he did not have any microdeletions of the Y-Chromosome.

Praise the Lord, our prayers have been answered!

He did indeed have sperm!

Wait for it, we finally had a diagnosis…  Congenital bilateral absence of the vas deference (CBAVD).

In other words the tube that carries sperm from the testes is absent.

Like most of you know, it didn’t end there. We had to go for more tests!

As CBAVD is a result of the Cystic Fibrosis gene mutation, our next round of tests and hopefully the last would be CFTR testing. This test would determine if my husband was dominant or recessive carrier.

By this time we have established that can go ahead with IVF/ICSI. Which opened a whole new world to us. I found this entire process/ biology lesson extremely interesting. So I jumped at the opportunity to start researching. I always knew the basics of IVF… needles, injections, hormones, and-so-on-and-so-forth. But oh my goodness! this is quite a process! I did not anticipate that!

Our favorite season of the year, Christmas, was at our door.  Jingle bells, jingle bells. I can’t help but to break out into a little jingle.  This meant that it was time to take a break from all the tests and recap and refresh with our loved ones. A spur-of-the-moment trip to Bali, Indonesia with the whole family was booked. For the first time in a long time we had something to look forward that did not include doctors appointments and test results.

My parents and our grandmother traveled from South Africa, my sister-in-law from the US and the rest of my in-laws from Dubai. We looked out the window and waved goodbye to Kuwait for a brief 2 weeks.

My husband and I used the 8 hour flight to reflect on the past year and half, and boy did we reflect. We realized how fortunate and blessed we were. We looked back at scriptures that we received at times when we needed it the most. We thanked the Lord for the strength He had given us to stand strong in faith the entire time. Most importantly, we thanked God that the love we had for one another grew so much stronger. 

After a fun filled and precious time spent with our families, we returned home to have our final test done. The CFTR test would determine if we would need to have our embryos tested(PGS) before the transfer.

6 Weeks later, we received the most amazing news ever… neither of us were dominant carriers of the gene mutation. Hallelujah! Once again, God answered our prayers.

We decided to continue the IVF process in South Africa for a number of reasons. One, so I could share the experience with my dear mother. I, once again, hit the pages of Google with renewed determination. New clinics, new doctors and a ‘long distance relationship’ has to be considered.

The months flew by, February, March, April and before we knew it May rolled along.

Now keep in mind the title of this post, a Journey Through FAITH…

Throughout the 2 years of trails and tribulations, God constantly reminded us of where we were and what His plans are for us. We held on and persevered, but, we never would have anticipated what happened next.

On May 12^th God came and picked one his beautiful flowers. I (we) were devastated. Our world fell apart for that brief moment. All I could think about was why this had to happen now!

Other than my husband, who is the most important person in my life, my mother was a very close second.

Our love was like no other. I shared every single moment of my day with her, whether it was by texting or calling. She sometimes even knew a little more than my husband did.

She was my person.

I still cannot comprehend why she had to leave us so early in our lives. “But I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you”.  Those words have provided solace on many occasions.

With all the heartache, sadness and incredible loss, God, once again, blessed us with HOPE.

We had the opportunity to meet with the lovelies at Pretoria East Fertility Clinic in South Africa.  Dr. Trouw had hubs come in for a testicular sperm aspiration (TESA) as we still weren’t sure if there would actually be usable sperm. One more test was done…we had viable sperm!!!

We travelled to Kuwait, with excess baggage in the shape of emotions and hope of future babies. Babies on ice for our up and coming IVF cycle.

Our next priority was to focus on our well being. Getting mentally and physically prepared for the journey that lies ahead. Not to mention the fact that my dearest mom will not be there to take this journey of FAITH with us.

On July 19^th I started birth control (BC) for the first time in 5 years. And as many of you know who have had to be on BC to start a cycle, know you get some really weird questions from people who know you are doing this and can’t quite fully comprehend how this walks hand in hand with IVF.

We are now a mere 9 days away from starting our IVF cycle. Looking back at the last couple of years, I still don’t fully understand why certain things had to come across our path.

With that said, we were never alone in each step of our journey.

I sit here tonight with a heart overflowing with GRATITUDE, HOPE AND LOVE - for our family who has supported us through ever step of the way, for my husband’s unconditional love and for our God’s guidance.

We are GREAT together but TOGETHER we are GREAT.